everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
