After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
