I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
