after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I fill condoms, not promises.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
