My hand turned me down
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
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