dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
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