well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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