i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Couch. On fire.
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