Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I just pynch a tree in the face
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
what day is it and did you see me today?
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
