I need help removing her.
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
