Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
So much Jack, so little girl.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
