We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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