if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
I think I just sharted jello shots
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
