What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Randomize
