Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Randomize
