I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
