I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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