When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
