Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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