I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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