just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
