We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize