I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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