last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
