I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
