I got chris browned last night
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
