I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Randomize
