His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
