1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Dear god my vagina.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
