I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
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May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
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All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
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