it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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