idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
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