Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
