When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Idk if I want to put a bra on
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