Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
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Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
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You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
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