You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
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