I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
He better not be in your backpack
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
