What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
