it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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