god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
