If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
