she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
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