I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
