Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
