somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Randomize
