I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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