Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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