Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
