you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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