I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
