This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
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