So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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