as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
