if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Acid is not a monday night drug
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
