The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
