i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
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