fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
