my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
