I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
