Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
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