His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
