Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
