The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
