He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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